I want to be somebody
**Trigger Warning** Mentions of suicide
They said I was a nobody
That I’m a single being
A nobody belonging to nowhere
You said I was a nothing
Ugly and replaceable
I stayed, yet I often asked why
With no choice so to stay, I’d die
I would hide within my beloved self
Nobody to love me, but me
Wandering the streets at night
And along the riverbanks
As I got drunk on Diamond white
I’d talk to the trees as I sighed
I want to be a somebody
But I had nobody to show me
Through the valley I’d wander
Listening as the trains pass
On the hour, every hour
Not a single minute late
As the conductor stood by the gate
A nod given as I passed
A friendly smile and a wave
Thank god, he never asked
My mind was a mess
Being a nobody was less
Being somebody, was it all that?
As the wind whispered my name
The tracks began to vibrate
Here I took my last deep breath
Where this nobody is not remembered
As a somebody belonged to nobody
And to nowhere, so they said
Goodbye trees, she said, who listened intently
To her cries on the last day she was here
© D.Reay2023
I wanted to have a go at a spoken word recording/reel so here is the full poem.
This is based on suicide which was a huge consideration as I grew up. I grew up near the train tracks, and as a kid, I often imagined myself leaving this world as I felt that I had no place here and that those who should have protected me would be happier if I had left!!
I survived. I did not die. I did not jump, and now I’m here to tell my story!!!
